A Good Day....

Hello Dear Friends...

I've been meaning to come back here....to thank you all for your unwavering support and words of encouragement.

I've been wanting to fill you all in on how Life has been since that profound post almost 2 months ago. 

I've been making changes and making progress....and today just seemed like a good day to return :)

In fact, I've been lucky to find that most of my days have been good, but so different from where I was 2 months ago.

My fellow Gardentender and I are working together to enjoy the path we are on....which is the best news....but it didn't start that way.
I was ready to walk through the gate and not look back.  I was making plans on how I was going to raise my little girl and was putting things in order to strategize what my next steps were.  I didn't want to stay where there was no hope left and where I was not wanted.  He had told me these things.  Told me I should leave.

So I was going to.  In the past, I would've begged him to want me again and make promises to be more of what he wanted.  I would've changed myself to conform to his needs (or, at least, what I thought his needs were) and abandon my own.
I decided to, instead, choose happiness...for myself, for my little girl...and ultimately, for him, since he said he wanted to go.

I was feeling proud of myself for not being afraid anymore!

I calmly informed him of my decision.  I wished him the best and without tears or regret, I slept well that night.

Well, I think he realized he better do something...and do it quick!  The next day he told me he didn't really want me to leave...but that he was just so dissatisfied and unhappy with his work, his problems, and Life, in general, he figured telling me to leave would be a better option for me.  He felt he had nothing left to offer.  He didn't know how to dig himself out of his rut.
Maggie and I are the best things in his Life...and it took almost losing us for him to admit it.

That was the first Good Day :)
Since then, things have been getting better and better.
We are trying to communicate and reconnect with the help of counseling and little daily rituals.
We are taking it one Good Day at a time.

I have learned so much about myself since the first of the year. 

Most importantly, I HAVE FOUND MY LIGHT!

 I guess blowing out the candle I burned for him during the decision making process, made me take notice of the glow that still surrounded me.  I wasn't left in total darkness like I once believed living without him would leave me.
 I shine brighter than I ever gave myself credit for.....

I truly believe the kind thoughts and hopeful prayers of you, my Dear Friends, helped me find my light, too.  It felt like the Universe was just there waiting for me to arrive....it already knew what I searched for.

...And I have to tell you...communing with your own uniqueness, appreciating what makes you You, feeling strong and confident in your own heart and mind is a damn good feeling!!
Thank you so much! XOXO

So....on that note...
Just a peek at a few of my Good Days so far, to share with you:

Mother/Daughter Boot Scootin' Boogie Party at Maggie's school

 

Succulents Blooming

 

Planning, writing, dreaming and manifesting :)

 

Dark Chocolate dipped in Peanut Butter

 

Starting a Veggie Garden

 

Witnessing Rainbows from my Kitchen Table

 

Keeping an eye on a wee Hummingbird Nest in our Backyard

 (that beak is the chick's...almost ready to fledge)

 

 

Yes, some very Good Days, indeed :)

 

I've also started exercising and eating better (which is why chocolate and peanut butter is such a big treat...heehee) and have lost almost 10 pounds!

When I reach my goal of 25 pounds, I hope to share the results with you here.

 

I have appreciated all your little check in's and kindness.  Even in my despair, I never felt alone.

Please know that I send wishes for Light and Love to all the corners of the globe, to you, Dear Ones.

I am truly grateful for all my Good Days and Good Friends...yesterday, today and to come :)

 

I hope.....

I hope you'll forgive me for my long absence.

I anticipate that this will be a difficult post...
I debated whether or not to even come here...

I decided though, that instead of worrying about what to write, who will read this and what will be thought of me, I'd simply come here to let my heart spill out over the keys.
I'd do it for me...

I feel like I'm on the verge of bursting into a million tiny pieces.
It's proving necessary to get some of my thoughts out of my muddled head, rein my emotions back in check and dissuade my soul from bursting beyond recognition.

My heart is aching so.....
This is what it ponders....

What do you do when you find yourself reaching the end of a path? 
The path I'm on now has been narrowing for some time and despite my efforts to scratch the overgrowth away, I'm losing the battle.
My fellow Gardentender seems to be willing to put down his rake entirely.  Our combined effort is just enough for us to squeeze through, though our legs and feet bleed with the thorns of Life's weeds.  These wounds are left festering with the pain and burden of neglect.

He discards the rake from time to time, and I pick it up in desperation to try to rake with both.  I hold it out to him and ask him to rake with me...beside me...together.
I tell him the weeds are tough, but together, we are tougher.  I explain that though the path may seem like it is not clearing at first, we have to believe that it will, because together we can make anything happen....

I cry in exasperation that he doesn't take the rake I'm holding out.  I yell in frustration that I seem to be the only one who cares about clearing the path.  I stop and glance back at our little girl who needs a path to follow, and I wonder if the time will soon come that I have to clear a different path....one that doesn't require 2 people, 2 Gardentenders, to maintain.

My fellow Gardentender has just one week left after giving him a month's thinking time to decide if he wants to stay, hold his rake with both hands and make our path wide and beautiful. To use love, trust and reconnection to transform the garden around it to one that is thriving and nourished.

This is the path I still want to follow.  One I can see so clearly in my mind that is just under the surface, waiting to emerge.  I wish he could see this vision with me.

Or.....we let the weeds overrun this path....and find new ones.
Another hard choice. One, in my opinion, seems so lonely...but, perhaps his destiny lies on a different horizon?

I hope, in a week's time....he decides to plant roots with me. 
I hope he is ready to do the hard work that we must both do to make our way through the weeds and mend the bandaged, bloody sores we've been ignoring.

I hope...
...but I'm storing up seeds, just in case.

 

Crafting Frenzy!

Hi Guys!
Did you have a nice weekend?
Scoop up any good deals?

I'm sad to see the Autumn and Harvest decor officially gone, but I am excited about another Christmas!  Amazing that 2012 is almost over!

Now, I'm going to apologize in advance.....
This blog's content over the next month is probably going to be short on words.

I'm simultaneously trying to balance making things for gifts, stocking the shop, fulfilling a few commissions/ custom orders and spending time enjoying the Season....you know how it is.  I'm sure you feel the same way....crazily trying to get everything accomplished while also trying to slow down with the Family and soak it all in.

So, when I have time to myself, I try not to waste it.  Here's what I've managed to squeeze in over the weekend.

A repurposed Tshirt scarf for my niece.

 

I didn't use her instructions, but I got the idea from seeing this scarf here:

 

http://www.gingerhendrix.com/wiener_dog_tricks/turn-a-t-shirt-into-a-scarf-its-easy-and-youll-be-cute-a-tutorial.html

 

I made that little flower pin so she could remove it and use it elsewhere, an elastic headband, belt, jacket, etc.  I found I wanted to keep making more :)

 

 

 

....and I had a custom request for an all white sea glass clip with silver wire.

 

 

 I finished it and a couple more, too.

 

 

So, slowly but surely, gifts are getting checked off the list....new items are being added to the shop....and that warm, giving feeling seeps in to my bones....

 

Better than osteoporosis :P

 

So, please...

....remember to take your calcium, give your loved ones a kiss and keep on crafting!  I'll be thinking of you while I tinker into the night.

 

Mwuah!

Cam

Home at Last!

Hey there, Hi there....Heeelllloooo!!!!
Yes!  We are finally back....and let me just say, I missed you guys!!

We were delayed a few days due to car trouble, but we got back late Friday night travel weary, but safe.  Despite a few hiccups, we had a lovely time!
Here are a few highlights... (if you are not a vacation photo person, click away now...this could take a while ;P)

But, before I get started, I wanted to share my new Blog Button with you...made for me by Sharon at Plumrose Lane!  Isn't it gorgeous!  Please take it, if you wish, (html code is on my sidebar) and consider Sharon for any of your badge, banner or background needs.  She does wonderful work!  :)

Most of you already know that we take this trip every year, meandering our way up the California and Oregon Coasts.

We stay in motels when we are just passing through....or in the larger cities that don't offer camping.  But, whenever possible, we stay in our trusty tent.  We just can't get enough of the fresh air, ancient trees, birdsongs during the day and bright stars at night. 

This campsite, in particular, was my favorite.

I loved falling asleep to the sound of the river below us.

A wonderful thing about camping is that it forces you to slow down a bit.  Everything takes longer ie., cooking, washing dishes, getting ready for bed....so, we don't feel the need to rush leisure activities, either.

Maggie and Daddy made a list of the animals they wanted to see in the campground.

She is coloring a butterfly.  Looks like she couldn't decide how many chipmunks to look for :)

We make it a point to return to the Redwood National Park every year to hike the stream trail in Fern Canyon.

Aqua socks are a must on this trail.

Oh, and it seems I'm looking for love in all the right places :)

Maggie adores water.  She's a little fish.

This was her first Summer without her floaties....and she is turning out to be quite a strong swimmer.

We drove all the way up to Seattle this year.

We saw the Space Needle.  We picnicked at the park watching people get drenched in this awesome water fountain.  It was actually cold and on the verge of raining at the time!

Some raindrops were sitting perfectly on this hydrangea....and I just had to capture them...

We also had fun in a Children's Museum nearby.

Maggie and her Daddy worked hard on their building project.

And made a house big enough for her to play in......

....we had fun with clay.

I made a slug in honor of these amazing ones we discovered in Washington!

Here's a view of Puget Sound on a cool, gray day.

 We visit lots of museums, aquariums and zoos when we vacation. They are filled with things my Science Teacher husband, animal-loving daughter and I can all enjoy.

I saw this sign in one of the Science Museums we visited....and it made me think of you, my beloved Bloggy Buddies...heehee!

While the photos of Maggie frolicking in water usually have Jim nearby, anytime there are animals involved, I'm right there with her....haha!  I just love touch pools and petting zoos :)

That's a baby opossum above.  We also got to pet a bobcat kitten :D

....and a puma kitten!

Maggie wants to be a Veterinarian  (of course, she does adds other things in the mix....Dolphin Trainer, Baker, Spy, Zookeeper....but Vet is consistently at the top of the list :P)

She sure seems happy around animals, that's for sure.

This apricot skunk seemed happy with her, too :)

We got the priviledge of seeing so many incredible creatures! 

 From this beautiful butterfly....

...to this wise elephant....

....an attentive Mother Swallow and her hungry babies.....

...a red panda...

....a tufted puffin....

....and a swan family....

Inspiration was plentiful...

From murals...

...to sculptures....

...to architecture....

Palace of the Arts, San Francisco

Creative sparks were ignited :)

We celebrated the 4th of July in Salem, Oregon...

...and, what's more, I met up with blog friend, Heather Henry, while I was there!! She was so sweet and we shared a lovely chat whilst perusing the racks of a local consignment store and getting a bit of Fro Yo.  You can read about our meet up (and see some of her amazing art) HERE :)

So, despite a bit of car trouble....

Our trip was definately an experience to remember!

Because you don't get rainbows without a little rain :)

...and as long as we have eachother....

Life is Grand!

Thank you so much for missing me as much as I've missed you!  So glad to be back to share our adventure! 

 Now, I need to go catch up....so, if you don't see me right away, please know, I'm making my way to you to give a big hug and find out what you've been up to lately!

Grabbing some coffee and stretching my fingers in preparation...haha!

XO,

Cam