Hello Dear Friends...
I've been meaning to come back here....to thank you all for your unwavering support and words of encouragement.
I've been wanting to fill you all in on how Life has been since that profound post almost 2 months ago.
I've been making changes and making progress....and today just seemed like a good day to return :)
In fact, I've been lucky to find that most of my days have been good, but so different from where I was 2 months ago.
My fellow Gardentender and I are working together to enjoy the path we are on....which is the best news....but it didn't start that way.
I was ready to walk through the gate and not look back. I was making plans on how I was going to raise my little girl and was putting things in order to strategize what my next steps were. I didn't want to stay where there was no hope left and where I was not wanted. He had told me these things. Told me I should leave.
So I was going to. In the past, I would've begged him to want me again and make promises to be more of what he wanted. I would've changed myself to conform to his needs (or, at least, what I thought his needs were) and abandon my own.
I decided to, instead, choose happiness...for myself, for my little girl...and ultimately, for him, since he said he wanted to go.
I was feeling proud of myself for not being afraid anymore!
I calmly informed him of my decision. I wished him the best and without tears or regret, I slept well that night.
Well, I think he realized he better do something...and do it quick! The next day he told me he didn't really want me to leave...but that he was just so dissatisfied and unhappy with his work, his problems, and Life, in general, he figured telling me to leave would be a better option for me. He felt he had nothing left to offer. He didn't know how to dig himself out of his rut.
Maggie and I are the best things in his Life...and it took almost losing us for him to admit it.
That was the first Good Day :)
Since then, things have been getting better and better.
We are trying to communicate and reconnect with the help of counseling and little daily rituals.
We are taking it one Good Day at a time.
I have learned so much about myself since the first of the year.
Most importantly, I HAVE FOUND MY LIGHT!
I guess blowing out the candle I burned for him during the decision making process, made me take notice of the glow that still surrounded me. I wasn't left in total darkness like I once believed living without him would leave me.
I shine brighter than I ever gave myself credit for.....
I truly believe the kind thoughts and hopeful prayers of you, my Dear Friends, helped me find my light, too. It felt like the Universe was just there waiting for me to arrive....it already knew what I searched for.
...And I have to tell you...communing with your own uniqueness, appreciating what makes you You, feeling strong and confident in your own heart and mind is a damn good feeling!!
Thank you so much! XOXO
So....on that note...
Just a peek at a few of my Good Days so far, to share with you:
I've been meaning to come back here....to thank you all for your unwavering support and words of encouragement.
I've been wanting to fill you all in on how Life has been since that profound post almost 2 months ago.
I've been making changes and making progress....and today just seemed like a good day to return :)
In fact, I've been lucky to find that most of my days have been good, but so different from where I was 2 months ago.
My fellow Gardentender and I are working together to enjoy the path we are on....which is the best news....but it didn't start that way.
I was ready to walk through the gate and not look back. I was making plans on how I was going to raise my little girl and was putting things in order to strategize what my next steps were. I didn't want to stay where there was no hope left and where I was not wanted. He had told me these things. Told me I should leave.
So I was going to. In the past, I would've begged him to want me again and make promises to be more of what he wanted. I would've changed myself to conform to his needs (or, at least, what I thought his needs were) and abandon my own.
I decided to, instead, choose happiness...for myself, for my little girl...and ultimately, for him, since he said he wanted to go.
I was feeling proud of myself for not being afraid anymore!
I calmly informed him of my decision. I wished him the best and without tears or regret, I slept well that night.
Well, I think he realized he better do something...and do it quick! The next day he told me he didn't really want me to leave...but that he was just so dissatisfied and unhappy with his work, his problems, and Life, in general, he figured telling me to leave would be a better option for me. He felt he had nothing left to offer. He didn't know how to dig himself out of his rut.
Maggie and I are the best things in his Life...and it took almost losing us for him to admit it.
That was the first Good Day :)
Since then, things have been getting better and better.
We are trying to communicate and reconnect with the help of counseling and little daily rituals.
We are taking it one Good Day at a time.
I have learned so much about myself since the first of the year.
Most importantly, I HAVE FOUND MY LIGHT!
I guess blowing out the candle I burned for him during the decision making process, made me take notice of the glow that still surrounded me. I wasn't left in total darkness like I once believed living without him would leave me.
I shine brighter than I ever gave myself credit for.....
I truly believe the kind thoughts and hopeful prayers of you, my Dear Friends, helped me find my light, too. It felt like the Universe was just there waiting for me to arrive....it already knew what I searched for.
...And I have to tell you...communing with your own uniqueness, appreciating what makes you You, feeling strong and confident in your own heart and mind is a damn good feeling!!
Thank you so much! XOXO
So....on that note...
Just a peek at a few of my Good Days so far, to share with you:
Mother/Daughter Boot Scootin' Boogie Party at Maggie's school
Succulents Blooming
Planning, writing, dreaming and manifesting :)
Dark Chocolate dipped in Peanut Butter
Starting a Veggie Garden
Witnessing Rainbows from my Kitchen Table
Keeping an eye on a wee Hummingbird Nest in our Backyard
(that beak is the chick's...almost ready to fledge)
Yes, some very Good Days, indeed :)
I've also started exercising and eating better (which is why chocolate and peanut butter is such a big treat...heehee) and have lost almost 10 pounds!
When I reach my goal of 25 pounds, I hope to share the results with you here.
I have appreciated all your little check in's and kindness. Even in my despair, I never felt alone.
Please know that I send wishes for Light and Love to all the corners of the globe, to you, Dear Ones.
I am truly grateful for all my Good Days and Good Friends...yesterday, today and to come :)
